A few weeks ago I started writing a post about the true cost of my decision to go back to college. When I started it was supposed to be one post. Well, one post turned into four and I still was not done. Part five will be posted later this week.
As with many great series, this one has a post that is not quite a part of the series, but fits with the theme overall. A nice filler until the next part comes out, if you will.
First, why not catch up, I’ll wait…
- Reflection: The Price of Educating Oneself, part 1
- Reflection: The Price of Educating Oneself, part 2
- Reflection: The Price of Educating Oneself, part 3
- Reflection: The Price of Educating Oneself, part 4
Goooooo You!
I don’t know about you, but I have a problem seeing myself the way others seem to view me. When my parents tell me how proud of me they are or how far I’ve come, well, I have trouble believing it.
So, when Dwayne told me, yet again, how much I have to offer. I, yet again, thought he just doesn’t see the real me. Or does he?
Sometimes it takes outside influences to make the reality of the situation really sink in.
Yesterday I was watching a movie where the 29 year old woman quit her dead end job, lost her apartment, dumped her pretty great boyfriend, and moved from NYC to Colorado to find herself. What she found was a list of things she wanted to do before she turned 30.
Of all the items on her list the one about forgiving her mother is what resonated with me. See, she felt her mother didn’t think she was good enough. What she learned was her mother thought she capable of anything. Here she had moved across the country to do what she wanted, on her own. She made friends easily, was kind and caring, pretty, and the only thing really holding her back, was a lack of confidence in herself.
Ah, confidence
Dwayne said when he met me I had it. Now I don’t. Something changed and only I have the power to fix it. But how?
Since I’ve been unemployed I don’t really leave the house. Why would I? I go to the grocery store, the drug store, sometimes the mall. I have no friends here. My children have their own lives and are not responsible for keeping me company anyway. I joined a gym in January, but then is snowed so much that I just stopped going. And of course, I’m cheap.
And yet, if I never leave the house I’ll never get over this, whatever it is I need to get over. So, even though I don’t want to pay for a gym membership I have to think about the bigger picture. My mental well-being as well as my physical well-being. Having one place to go may lead to more ventures out. Hanging out at the bookstore. Taking a drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway. Maybe even making a friend or two. And, who knows, I may even find a job!
It’s about time I thought what others think about me. It’s about time I became my own cheerleader.
I am good enough. I am smart enough. And gosh darnit, people like me!
Boy, have you gotten your hand on this one. In a weird way I know what you’re feeling. Since I started working for myself I spend a lot of time at home also, because my mind says if I’m out then I’m spending money I don’t need to spend. Since I joined the health club, I do get myself out for at least 30 minutes, if not an hour, forcing myself out since I’m paying for it already anyway.
I take my lead at times from Nike; just do it.
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Anne Bender
Twitter: AnneOnline
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August 31st, 2010 at 10:42 am
@Mitch, It’s hard when you’re shy and don’t really mind spending time alone. Unfortunately, we’re social creatures and we lose a little bit of ourselves when we’re isolated. Living in a rural area doesn’t help either. But, it’s time I stopped making excuses and listened to you, Nike, and everyone else.
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Mitch Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 11:39 am
@Anne Bender, I have times when I’m kind of shy and other times when I can open up. When I go to the gym by myself, I make eye contact with almost no one. If someone talks to me first, I’m okay, but otherwise I’m business. If I go with my wife, I’m a lot more open and accessible, probably because she’s that type as well. And I just got back from the gym a few minutes ago; 45 minutes down!
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Reminds me, I should get my butt back to the gym…
Wish you lived closer, Anne. I don’t know that being a hermit means “lack of confidence,” exactly. I could be a happy little hermit (until I needed to venture out for the necessities, or needed help chopping wood, or something). But having said that, I like people fine, too (in small doses). You not only have to be your own cheerleader, but you have to kind of work at getting and staying out of your shell, so as to maintain the relationships that really DO matter to you.
You ARE good enough, smart enough, and we like you, Anne. This sounds almost more like depression (which, for me, doesn’t manifest as “sadness” but more as “lack of interest and engagement” – sometimes, it’s just a need to tuck in and recharge the batteries to get up to a level where anything “sociable” sounds the least little bit appealing). Unfortunately, the Internet can kind of intercede, here, and make all that effort seem superfluous. But in reality, it’s not. Don’t let THIS become an escape from having to drag yourself OUT.
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Anne Bender
Twitter: AnneOnline
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September 2nd, 2010 at 10:48 am
@Holly Jahangiri, Dwayne says I’ve been in mourning from my job loss 2 years ago (and my interactions with coworkers) and it’s normal to mourn, but it’s also time to move on. I’m starting to pull back on my internet usage and put more into my offline reality.
I agree that is more of a kind of depression where my confidence is low and my desire to do anything is lower. Getting out to the gym will help with both of those. And who says I can’t go to the park to read instead of sitting in my living room.
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Holly Jahangiri Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:11 am
@Anne Bender, I think the “confidence” is still there, and will be there the minute you find an opportunity that truly excites you and gets your engines running. Job market being what it is, that could be a challenge – so I agree, meanwhile, getting OUT is the best medicine for what ails you. Getting fully engaged in SOME kind of activity, outside the house and offline, is a good thing. Have you thought of doing some volunteer work?
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Anne Bender
Twitter: AnneOnline
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September 3rd, 2010 at 10:33 am
@Holly Jahangiri, I have thought about volunteering. Again, it’s the motivating myself to leave the house (poor excuse, I know). I figure one step at a time: gym, temp agencies (with resume in hand), check with some local agencies about volunteering, turn in paperwork for substitute teaching in my county and next one over. Maybe not in that exact order, but it all needs to get done. Oh, and get rid of this cold that decided to take up residency in my nose and throat last night.
Twitter: Bloggertalk
Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy Anne, but building self confidence means learning to love yourself.
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Anne Bender
Twitter: AnneOnline
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September 3rd, 2010 at 10:35 am
@Rose, It may seem silly, but I probably need to stand in front of the mirror every day and tell myself all those positive things as a reminder until it sinks in. Dwayne says ‘faith cometh by hearing’. I’m not a religious person, but this just makes sense.
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Twitter: Bloggertalk
Not silly at all. Sometimes life turns us this way & we just don’t know how to love ourselves.
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Hi Anne,
Very insightful article. Really took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It is always good when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! I must say that your confidence in your self will define your future.
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