Love and Marriage

For those of you who have been coming by for a while now you may be a bit surprised [maybe not] by this. See, I have been married just once, back when I was 19. Of course, I didn’t meet Dwayne until I was 28.

Sure I refer to him as my husband. Boyfriend doesn’t quite cover it. Significant Other sounds so 80′s. Life partner? Uh, no. Person who resides in the same house with me, but is no actual blood relation of mine? A bit wordy, don’t ya think?

So, after 10 years and many hours of contemplation I have finally relented consented to marry him. Officially.

Why did it take me so long?

I blame him. Here is where he would say he has strong shoulders to carry the blame, blah blah blah. When we met I had been divorced for all of 6 months [I had been separated 2 years prior to that]. This is when he started quoting statistics to me.

Studies show those who remarry within 5 years of getting divorced have a 75% chance of getting divorced again.

Yeah, that made me want to go get married right away. I don’t think so.

Then it was something about the government giving us the privilege of getting married versus our right to marry. And regulations and taxes and so on and so forth. This is where my thinking like a man gets me in trouble [or is that him?]. So, I decided marriage, officially, was not necessary. In fact, being a “single” parent* had its perks. Who’d of thought?!

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuse #1 MONEY

This is a really good excuse. Convincing, too. For years I decided everyone was better off financially as long as no one got married. Being a “single” person in the eyes of Uncle Sam and having 3 kids worked very well for everyone. Both of us conveniently had previous bad experiences with shared finances. Now we keep things separate, but work together for those things we want.

Excuse #2 NAME

This coming September I will have been a Bender for half of my life. Not to mention it is the name of my children. And I like being A. Bender [get it?]. Not that Dwayne’s last name is bad. It’s a fine last name. Unfortunately, most people around here can’t seem to pronounce it correctly. Morrell [pronounced: Mor-L]. Yet, around here they seem to want to say Moral which would then make me A-Moral. Not sure how I feel about that.

Excuse #3 STIGMA

I only wanted to get married once. Not twice, once! Not that many people the world over don’t get married 2, 3, 8 times, but I am not many people the world over. {stomping feet like a bratty child}

The real reason

FAILURE

Was I one? Did it matter? And if it did, to whom? My own mother has married twice. She [and our family] would have missed out on some wonderful people had she been as stubborn as me. So why am I being so difficult?

The answer to this is quite telling in my dream sequence from last year’s NaNoWriMo. Letting go is hard for me.

And yet, it is time to let go. Time to move on. Amanda and Stephen are good. Megan is so-so. Yet, the truth of it all is I am ready.

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* I have never considered myself a single parent. I was a parent who was single. Whether I was married or not I have always had help raising my kids. Their father was always a part of their lives until his death in 2001. My family, his family [still my family], friends, Dwayne, everyone helped. I never did it alone.