Why did I ever think having 3 kids so close in age would be a good idea?
Talk about your duh moment. Okay, not really. It’s not like I planned any of my kids. I meant to, really I did. But the best laid plans… uh, no pun intended.
Anyway, I now have 3 teenagers. Honestly, I’m not sure if the boy will be harder or easier than the girls. I don’t want to be one of those moms who feels no girl is good enough for her son. Just like I’ve worked hard at making sure Stephen is not a mama’s boy. Stephen is 13, so his girlfriend problems days have yet to start. Not that he hasn’t tried. Nothing real and long lasting just yet.
Today it’s about the girls
I like the girls’ friends. I have no problem with their boyfriends. They are kids and they have issues. And I like to say neutral when it comes to their issues.
Sure, I’m supportive of my children. But knowing kids, well, people are likely to change their minds often I try not make judgments of their friends. It’s not my place. Is it?
Megan went off to college this fall. With that change in her life she also allowed herself to be free of any boyfriend ties. This was all well and good [and expected] for all except the boyfriend.
Lashing out in response to real heartbreak
I know the heartache. I’ve been there.
I know the lashing out. I’ve been there.
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been there.
I must say, I am glad I grew up. Emotional rollercoasters suck!
And things worked themselves out and all was okay with the now ex-boyfriend. Or was it?
Round two
Megan has been home for almost a month now. She has hung out with many of her local friends [boys and girls]. She talks to her college friends [boys and girls]. Ex-boyfriend comes around as he is her ‘friend’ now. Nothing new to me. My best friend was their father, after we were divorced.
Yet, something went wrong and communications got a little skewed. Now he’s emotionally and stalkerish and bashing and cursing and demanding.
She can handler herself. She blocks him online. Ignores him when he calls or texts. No problem. It will pass, right? Then I get texts. And I get emails. And I ask to be left out of it and to remain neutral. But the other mom is not neutral [as I'm led to believe].
And then I lost it
Instead of ignoring and not responding, I replied.
I lashed out.
I got emotional.
I was pissed!
Really. I’m fairly easy going, too. I asked to be left out of it. I don’t want to be involved.
Am I really supposed to get ‘all up in’ my daughter’s business every time there is trouble in friend land? I don’t think so, but maybe I’m the only one.
Regardless, I feel bad for responding and lashing out. And I had to say that, publicly.
Thanks for listening.
Nice post..Anne..Don’t know what to say from my side. I would just say take it all easy
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Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 14th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
@Aswani, Thanks, Aswani.
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Twitter: Bloggertalk
You know you are not alone. I too have an older daughter. Over the last years she’s had her share of problems. I have always tried to be her rescuer when I know deep down inside I can’t. She has to want to help herself. So I’ve kind of taken a step back and gave her space. Just recently she had a tiff with an ex roommate. I stayed out of it until her rm family started attacking my daughter. Then I got involved. As a mom it’s our place to want to protect our kids no matter how old they are.
.-= Rose shares some words of wisdom ..Outrageous Bras =-.
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Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 14th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
@Rose, It’s tough when you know they are just kids and tend to get over things so quickly. Yet, sometimes they go too far. In a perfect world they would be able to work things out among themselves without things going so far as demanding parental involvement.
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Twitter: HeatherKephart
Anne, I feel for you. I have been dreading these days since before either of my children were actually born. At that age, we are so unrealistically passionate about our boyfriends and girlfriends.
That said, I have been broken up with and broke up with quite a few in my day, and never did I receive an awful, stalkerish, cursing, demanding response like you spoke of. It’s not normal. As a parent, you definitely need to get involved. Get everyone possible involved. Guys like that want the target of their attentions to be singled out and alone. Make sure he knows she is far from alone, and that his behavior is intolerable and possibly criminal.
I know it’s the hardest thing ever, but try if you can to keep cool and collected in your dealings with him, his Mom and the police. Stand firm, be logical, and do not get drawn into his web of drama and hyperbole. If I can do anything to help, please let me know. This is to be taken seriously. Hang in there! Hugs.
.-= Heather Kephart shares some words of wisdom ..We’re in Texas! Finally! =-.
[Reply]
Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 14th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
@Heather Kephart, I have no problem with alerting the parents, the child, and the police of the harassing behavior since this seems to be a cyclical occurrence. They tried being friends, but he’s not ready for that. I don’t know the true extent of his mom’s involvement, but if she is encouraging his behavior than she is just as culpable as he and should be held accountable. Honestly, I think a woman of her age [not saying old, but old enough] should know better. I haven’t had any further contact and things seem to be calming down. Thanks for your words of wisdom. I suppose I still want to believe in the best in people and that a little time and perspective will do wonders for all.
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Twitter: AussieSire
I have two kids a 21 year old boy and a 18 year old girl and of the two the girl is more of a handful because she won’t listen to reason. She’s the type that knows everything and what would her parents know and we’re always the ones being unreasonable.
The problem is we’re setting boundaries and she’s forever pushing them back.
Haven’t gotten to your stage yet, but if I do I reckon I’ll just tell the other parent to piss off and let them sort it out.
.-= Sire shares some words of wisdom ..Why The The Struggle For PR Is A Waste Of Time =-.
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Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 14th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
@Sire, I know about the stubbornness of girls [myself included]. One day she will learn that mom is almost always right. It still irritates me, but my mom is right 99% of the time. At least I’m listening now.
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Twitter: Bloggertalk
Sire, my girl was more the handful too. lol
.-= Rose shares some words of wisdom ..Broken Link Checker =-.
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There were a couple of times we had to get the authorities involved. One was after a girl vandalized MY car (the one my daughter was driving) in retaliation for my daughter breaking up with a guy. The girl was a “friend” of his. The policeman looked at the car and at several text messages from my daughter’s phone, and called the girl – scared her straight, I think, as he reminded her she was old enough to be prosecuted as an adult. Another time, my daughter had to call a university campus cop to check on a young man who was threatening suicide because she didn’t return his interest. Everything you wrote here raises red flags for me. There is a point at which we NEED to get involved – not just because we’re parents, but because we can step back and see that our kids are in over their heads and they’re not ASKING for help. They need to learn when to ask – it’s a life skill. Until they do, we need to be alert to those red flags, and trust our gut instincts. Most of the time, it’s healthy to let kids work out their own problems – but sometimes, those problems are bigger than they are.
Maybe this is just a long-winded way of saying there’s a lot of mental illness in the world, and it’s best left to trained professionals.
.-= Holly Jahangiri shares some words of wisdom ..How to Save Your Own Life =-.
[Reply]
Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 14th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
@Holly Jahangiri, Seems you and Heather were on the same page here. I have spoken to her several times and keep asking if he’s still texting her. She has saved a few of the more incriminating ones. She does have a lot of friends and knows her family is behind her 100%. I do have a friend who is a former state trooper. He found out I can get a no contact order delivered by sheriff’s deputy for a small fee. I believe that is what it is. I know it can’t really prevent him from doing anything, but it might be enough. Then again, it might be the one thing that truly sets him off. You are so right when you say:
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Amen and “what SHE said.”
.-= Holly Jahangiri shares some words of wisdom ..How to Save Your Own Life =-.
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[...] Parenting ~ How Involved Do You Get In Your Teenager’s Life? (anneonlife.com) [...]
Twitter: wchingya
Anne, I hope I can be like others and give you a few words of comfort from a parent’s point of view but I haven’t reach that stage yet. I simply came in because I wanted to learn from you what it would be like when I’m in your shoes. I can see it’s definitely not easy, I’ve seen examples of how teenagers are acting these days and it got me confused. It was much easier back in the days when we’re one, isn’t it?
When I was a teenager, my mom was (still is) a great supporter. I can trust her and she always there when I needed her. One thing I really love is that she never interfere too much in my life but gives me the freedom to choose my path, which makes me even more respect and trust her. However, I agree with Rose and Sire to let them sort out the matter themselves (while providing advise if they need one) first and get involved when need to. Hope things are all taken care of now and you can rest your worries.
@wchingya
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[Reply]
Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 21st, 2010 at 12:35 am
@Ching Ya, Thank you so much. It is hard when you don’t know when you should stay out of it and when you should get in the middle of it. I have guided all I can and it seems things have cooled off. At least I hope.
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Mothers know best, I agree!
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Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 21st, 2010 at 12:37 am
@Mr. Cheesy, It’s so hard at that age. Every little thing is so important and when a relationship ends it seems like the end of the world. I don’t know if mothers know best, but we do know it passes.
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I have two teenage boys. They’re well behaved kids, but still a handful sometimes. My oldest is 14 and now starting to getting into girls. He talks on the phone all the time, and I know it’s only a matter of time before he gets his first real “girlfriend”. I shudder at the thought.
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Anne
Twitter: AnneOnline
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January 21st, 2010 at 12:39 am
@Ed, Hi Ed. I don’t even know what to expect when my son starts dating. He’ll be 14 in a few months. He likes girls, but isn’t quite ready to date. Although he did tell me all about his ‘beard’.
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Sire, my girl was more the handful too. lol
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