We are one of those strange families that eats together. Dwayne was very particular about this. His childhood may not have been perfect, but they ate dinner together every night. ‘It is important,’ he says. I agree.
Consistently having dinner together as a family also keeps us in touch, allowing us to trouble-shoot problems in daily living, as well as keeping us abreast of our family members’ activities and life experience.
I know my kids pretty well. Remember, all three of my kids are teenagers. Stephen does not tell me as much, but he does talk to Dwayne. They talk about girls and NASCAR and whatever boys talk about. Amanda tells us about school and the cute boy who thinks she has a nice butt. Yes, she told us that. Megan actually asked me if she could go to a concert with a friend. She is away at college and she asked permission. She forgot that she does not have to ask anymore. I believe my children talk to us because we eat dinner as a family most nights.
Would your teenager feel comfortable enough coming to you?
Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.
Skype your way to a family dinner
The Statistics
My kids use words like facetious and vernacular. They love math! Wait, they speak well and like numbers – they are nerds! Why, yes they are. There is no shame in this. Oh, yes, I said ‘speak well’.
Amanda’s last progress report sported 2 A’s and 2 B’s; those B’s were almost A’s, too. Stephen had 1 B and the rest were A’s. Megan just found out she received an A on her Music Theory mid-term. She also has helped teach class [first year college student teaching class- oh yes!]. And no, I am not taking credit for their good grades. It is 99% them and 1% me and everyone else who encourages them to do well and be proud of themselves.
CHICKEN
This is where a family builds its identity and culture. Legends are passed down, jokes rendered, eventually the wider world examined through the lens of a family’s values. In addition, younger kids pick up vocabulary and a sense of how conversation is structured. They hear how a problem is solved, learn to listen to other people’s concerns and respect their tastes.
The sky is purple
Sometimes it can seem like my kids and I have our own language. Conversation flows and several will talk at once about different things. You might think it takes a bit of talent to follow all of this. Not really. Just ask my sister who will be the first to tell you I will start off talking about one thing, get off subject on something completely different, and think everyone is following me when in reality the transition from one topic to the next was only in my head. I can follow my kids because I think like them or, rather, they think like me. Scary, isn’t it? Dwayne is known to say ‘the sky is purple’ in response to our seemingly random chatter. Although, he does not do this as often. Is it possible we are rubbing off on him? Now, that is the scary thought.
Now it is your turn
How often do you have dinner as a family? It does not have to be formal or fancy. Turn the tv off and turn the conversation on. Kids love structure and spending time with their parents. Yes they do. Even teenagers. Especially teenagers. There is a lot going on in their lives and they want to tell you about it, or at least some of it. Need some help? Try one of these family conversation starters and let the talking begin.
[...] and two $5 bills. I decided Megan must have taken hers and these most likely belong to Amanda and Stephen. So, they made out anyway. And Amanda asks if I’m going to blog about that, [...]