Today we honor our fathers with cheesy ties, cheap cologne, and homemade cards telling them how much they mean to us. I am fortnate, I have two fathers. At one time I had three wonderful men in my life who I would proudly call dad. This was quite fortuitous as I only have one mom. My mother-in-law passed away the day after Thanksgiving in 1994 after a brief battle with colon cancer. This was hard on everyone and the first time I had to explain death to my children. Only Megan, at the time she was 3, remembers her Oma. I remember telling her that a person never truly dies as long as we remember them. They will live on in our hearts. Her father was grateful for this as it was very hard on him. I miss her very much, but see her in my daughter Amanda.
The next death I had to explain was my grandmother in May 2001. This time I reminded Megan, now almost 10 years old, of my earlier words of wisdom, but she wanted more. She wanted to know where we go when we die. I have never been one to force religion on my children, so I explained the different thoughts on death. I then told her to pick the one that brings her peace and hold on to that. Amanda says she does not remember any of this, but Stephen was very close to my grandmother. I believe my mother prepared him during my grandmother’s final months and he actually took this quite well.
The third death was by far the hardest one I have and will ever have to tell my children. I get teary-eyed every time I think about it. Right before Thanksgiving in 2001 I received a call from my parents. The police had called looking for me. At this point their father and I had been divorced for 2 years, yet had remained quite close. Just because the marriage does not work does not mean the love disappears. I will not go into details, but suffice it to say, he was no longer with us. I do not think I have ever cried as much as I did over the next few days. I barely slept that night and I am not sure I made it through work the next 3 days. I had not told the children just yet. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I picked up the kids early from after school care and drove to their Aunt’s house. There I sat the girls down and told them what had happened. They were 8 & 10 years old. I did not cry as I told them, but remained strong for them. I chose to tell Stephen, then 5, separately.
A few years later, I do not remember if it was 2002 or 2003, I received a call from Tracey (their aunt – & my sister {out-law}) informing me that her father had passed away. It was December. He had sleep apnea and had just stopped breathing. Terry was a great writer and artist. He is considered a hero to his Army unit and wrote the book Orphans of Honor
I am fortunate to have my dad with us and just as ornery feisty as ever. He even knows how to send text messages! Not bad for a 60-something year old. My dad taught me how to ride a bike – that is a fun story – and we read the funnies together every Sunday morning. Life was not always picture perfect, but when is it ever, really. He taught me how to drive a stick shift, which could not have been an easy task. I would know, I have helped both of my girls learn to drive. It can be a bit nerve-racking.
Then there is my step-dad. Every much my dad, too. He met my mom when I was 17 (20 years ago this past April) and has got to be one of the best things to ever happen to her and me. He is the one my kids think of as grandpa. Stephen calls him grumpy. He put two doors in my house in Florida. That was when we learned it would be easier to build a new house then to try to fix the old one! He is the one who took me to the doctor when I needed out-patient (in-office) surgery right before I ended up have a partial hysterectomy. Then he took me to Russo’s Subs for the BEST SUBS EVER! But mostly, he takes care of my mom, who is going through chemotherapy for ovarian cancer.
Happy Father’s Day to Dwayne (my dear husband) for taking on my 3 children while they were going through the pains of losing their own father. He is a big part of the reason they have turned out so well by offering the stability of a two-parent household. Of course they should be proud of themselves. Noone who meets them would ever guess they lost a parent at such young ages. But being a step-parent is probably the hardest job one will every have. I am not sure I would be as good with his kids as he is with mine. I can admit it.
And to all of the fathers out there, this is your day. I hope you are surrounded by everyone who loves you and you get that day pass to the new golf course you have been itching to try. Or maybe get to watch the Nascar race in peace while the family brings you unlimited chicken wings and chips (is there a race on today?). As for us, it is the final day of Antique Farm Days and that is what Dwayne wants to do.
